so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize
