Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
