I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
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I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
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