Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Randomize
