Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
