did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
