i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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