Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
