quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Randomize
