We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Jerry, you need to find god
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
