2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
