the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
how does that bad decision feel?
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
