Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
