she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Randomize
