Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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