I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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