I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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