It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
