The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
