I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
His hands were made for my vagina.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
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