i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
