nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
