I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
