I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Yo dont text me then not text me
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
