Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
