she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
