how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
