Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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