Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Randomize
