You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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