me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
