break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
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