do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
