haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
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