He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
