Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
