I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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