didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
