there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
