turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
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