You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Randomize
