I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Randomize
