Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
