so that wasnt chicken after all
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Everything about him screamed your future.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Randomize
