I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Randomize
