having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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