I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Boobs speak an international language.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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