wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
you had me at cake vodka
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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