12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Randomize
