we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize