remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
