he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
