my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Barsexuality is the new black.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I need to align my fucking chakras
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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