There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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