I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
