You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
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