Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
