If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
