Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Randomize
