hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
