i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
