We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
