Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
