I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
