Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
This toilet bowl is my home.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
