everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
