It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize