he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
