Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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