I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
