I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I enjoy the company of your penis
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
